[EDITRIX:  Although my entire blog through April 2008 can be found at 360.yahoo.com/cd_erica_f, I realized it might not be a bad idea to at least get some of the more significant (to me, anyway) entries here.  I guess it's kinda like Cliff's Notes for people who are just coming to my blog for the first time and may want a little background on where I have been.  So this is 2008 (oldest entries first).  Feel free to skip - this is not required reading!]

Out (in a very limited way) at the office

Well, I did it today. Expanded by 100% the universe of people that formerly knew me as [Guy name] and now know me as [Guy name]/Erica.

I posted a semi-agonized thread here a few months ago, where I asked whether I should self-identify as transgendered at my office. Our firm prides itself on its commitment to diversity, and expressly solicited self-identification for all GLBTs. Voluntary self-identification is disclosed only to our Diversity Partner. I thought about it for a fair while (and thank those of you who expressed opinions on this subject), and ultimately decided that I would self-identify. I had a long talk with our Diversity Partner today and explained my particular form of gender expression.

She was initially totally shocked (not in a bad way, and not at all unexpected) but quickly expressed real happiness that I had come out of the closet at least this far. The cynic in me understands that she has boxes to check and reports to fill, and now she has (AFAIK) the only self-identified transgender partner in an AmLaw 100 firm. Even so... We talked at some length about how the firm would and would not identify me as transgendered for statistical reporting purposes. I wanted to be sure that the firm (first) and the legal community (second) understood that "we are here" and we need to be counted; at the same time I wanted to work through the obvious privacy concerns. She was totally understanding and we worked out a solid disclosure framework. I also told her I would be happy to be a second-reader / second opinion on any transgender policies or communications, or if she ever needed a "sounding board" on transgender issues. She has already taken me up on the offer.

I don't want to make this a bigger deal than it is. This is not some great heroic act, and I know it. That said, I'm happy to have taken at least a small step toward ensuring that the legal community knows that transgenderism is not a conceptual abstraction, but rather a fact of life in the profession.

Best part was when she (Div. Part.) told me she had been drafting up some guidelines for addressing transexualism in our workplace, only to be told by the partner who serves as our Firm's General Counsel that these would never be necessary (i.e., were a waste of time). I took a perverse delight in informing her she could now inform him that he was UTTERLY mistaken. And she took a perverse delight in assuring me that she would do so as soon as she left my office.

I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Erica

Friday May 2, 2008 - 09:36pm (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 6 Comments

This one will be shorter...

Just to finish bringing everyone current. Thursday I met with Cath and Sarah. Sarah's a GW whom I have come to know casually online; she was visiting NYc. She's a close friend of Cath's, and Cath suggested that a drink or two together might be in order. Never one to pass up a drink, I accepted. Cath thought the bar at Olives, in the W Hotel at Union Square, would be a good place to meet.

...

OK Cath. Way to bust me out of a comfort shell.

And I mean that mostly in a good way. I'd be lying my blue-thonged ass off if I said that I wasn't a bit intimidated by the idea. Turns out that I had indeed gotten myself into more of a rut than I thought, in terms of my life out and about.

Well there's only one way to deal with that problem. Go for it. So I headed out, in the broad daylight (another thing I hadn't noticed I was shunning) and got to the W around 6:30. The place was PACKED. And once again the world did not explode instantly. Actually, everyone was perfectly nice and it was a totally normal experience. I really don't know why I keep worrying...

Both Cath and Sarah were absolute delights and it was an unqualified pleasure to spend an hour chatting with them about this and that. Cath's perspective on trans life is peculiarly interesting to me, because she's just on the other side of the transexual hill from where I live. Though she's moving a little further away each day - must be a mobile home (to utterly mutilate an otherwise decent analogy). Sarah was a real pleasure to meet in real life - hilarious and smarter than hell. Anyway, time passed quickly and they had a dinner engagement, so I left them around 7:30, got some dinner and dropped by Triangles. Another nice evening, though I had WAY too much to drink. I really do need to watch the Pinot Grigio intake.

Photo is of a mostly-baked Erica after about 10 gallons of wine. But Jeanette still managed to get an ok photo. Thanks Jeanette!

Serious stuff tomorrow or Tuesday. Maybe.

Erica

Sunday April 6, 2008 - 09:57pm (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Time to get everyone caught up.

All right: if I blog today about voice lessons, tomorrow about last weekend at Triangles, and Sunday about yesterday, then by Monday you will all be current through Friday. Which should hold you until Wednesday. Right?

I started my voice lessons two Thursdays ago. My instructor is terrific. I don't really know her background - I think she comes from the drama side, rather than the musician side. It doesn't really matter, because I hired her based on the great results I heard in Catherine's voice. I believe I am her second transgendered client. It will be interesting to see whether the process will be similar for us. Catherine, I suspect, had better control over her own voice going into it, and also was looking for a permanent change. I have zero vocal control (those of you who have met me can confirm for the doubters in the audience), and want to be able to move into and out of a fem voice more-or-less instantly. I think we're talking about a year-long process, frankly.

We are going to use the "Find Your Feminine Voice" video as a general guideline, with a strong emphasis on moving vocal projection from my throat to my head. No, I don't know what that means either. One of the really frustrating parts of starting is that I lack even a basic vocabulary for expressing vocal concepts. Oh well. No way to pick it up other than jumping right in!

There are ancillary benefits: my instructor is paying attention not only to my voice, but my mannerisms. So far, she has already gently noted approximately 900 ways in which my expressions and gestures do not, ahem, correlate strongly to a fem presentation. It's not going to be a movement class - and certainly not a crossdressing deportment class of the sort that just reinforces the crudest gender stereotypes. (Not that there's anything wrong with that. Oh wait, actually there may be...) Still, I have already picked up a couple new ideas, as well as getting confirmation about a great many more things that I suspected weren't really working.

Candidly, in the very short run it's discouraging in some ways. I knew it would be, but that does not make me feel any better. After an hour or so my voice is exhausted, I feel like we've made little progress, and I am more keenly aware than ever as to how un-fem I can be oh, say, ten times a minute. That said, the whole point is improvement, and I'm still very optimistic about the whole process.

I will be sure to keep you posted! If it works out maybe I will turn this into a video blog. (Yeah - considering that Y360 can barely even handle text at this point...)

PS: Thanks to Dev for the photo! She took a quick candid shot when we were at dinner after my voice lesson last Thursday.

Friday April 4, 2008 - 05:57pm (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Ouch

It doesn't matter which forum...

But once again, I was reading a thread for partners of transgendered folks - in this case mostly CDs. The repeating theme of fear compounded by isolation. Spouses who are, knowingly or inadvertently, drawn into our closets. Natal women, mostly, who have grown up with very little in the way of gender privilege...but one of the few privileges has been the right to share the most intimate details of their lives with family and closest friends. The very act of sharing, and the support of that female world, offering at least some small solace. And when they are yanked into the closet with us, they must close the door - voluntarily - on that crucial lifeline.

They do it because of their love for us: trannies, crossdressers, transexuals, genderfucks. Working through our own set of issues in a male-norms-reinforced non-communicative, isolated, hubristic way. By a colossally perverse act of nature, our personal issues cause us to look inward, and clam up (even more than normal) at precisely the time our partners are crying out for a lifeline.

Helene and I seldom chat about my fem life. She does not initiate discussions; when we do talk it tends to be about superficial things like clothes. I assume she has found an ok middle ground. I assume she gets that I have settled into a middle path which, while inconvenient, does not threaten to undo our life and family. I assume that she understands that I am ready (hell, aching) to open my heart and discuss any part of my trans-ness. I assume she kn0ws I am ready for us to reach out in any direction that helps her deal with the monumental life-change that comes with a crossdressing husband.

I assume.

And it scares me to death to know that I might be utterly wrong in assuming...

Thursday March 20, 2008 - 10:06pm (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 5 Comments

Demons conquered! In a miniskirt no less! (Me, not the demons...) 

(...though THAT would be an interesting sight to see!)

Mood: Hunky dory, if a little tired.

So last night I reprised my victories over two old CD phobias, and succeeded in overcoming a third! A big one, I might add. Last night I took the subway en femme for the first time. I even sat down, cheek-to-cheek-so-to-speak, rather than just standing aloof at the far side of a car. And can I just say:

- Wow is it bright down there.
- Wow are there a lot of people.
- Wow are they CLOSE to you!

Short of actually having sex, I just don't think you can get any closer (physically) to another human being as you do on a busy subway. Of course I am perfectly conscious of this all the time; I ride the silly things often enough. But to actually have a complete stranger able to check out the quality of your makeup and epilation at point-blank range? Well I hadn't thought of that but gosh it was an interesting sensation. I definitely drew a couple of second glances, maybe even a third. I also got one "whoa" when I stood up and absolutely dwarfed the pack of latino teenagers standing in front of me. But no nastiness, no smirks, no problems. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but even so...

(Heck, maybe a closeted CD was riding and will write a blog about me, the way I did almost two years ago! Nah. Too much to hope for.)

Anyway, I must say I was feeling pretty good. So I decided to go get a quick bite of sushi. Tried an unfamiliar, and rather crowded restaurant, and they could not have been nicer. Only problem was that the area where I was seated was right near a radiator. Now I was already pretty warm due to a couple blocks' walk from the subway, and I immediately started sweating like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee. So I am sitting thinking "great. My whole face is going to slide down my head". But after a few minutes and a couple cold sakes, I got the internal thermostat re-set and everything was fine. These days I am wearing a LOT less foundation (and a couple of people whose judgement I trust tell me the effect is not too horrifying), so the streaking, slipping and general sweat-induced nastiness seems to be less of an issue.

The rush of cool air on my legs as I left was positively exhilarating; almost erotic in its power. Reminded me why I am never going to stop crossdressing...

Off to the Nowhere Bar. No demons to conquer there. Sadly, Dev was unable to show, but I had a nice time connecting. Oddly, last night I wound up spending a bit more time among the non-CD crowd...but I don't think there's too much to read into that.

Left around 11:30 and decided to drop into my local Starbucks for a cappucino. Then called it a night.

Interestingly, both dinner and Starbucks would have been huge emotional hurdles a few months ago. Now they're positively ordinary. And absolutely a DELIGHT as a consequence. I am not doing this to conquer fears. I am doing this to enlarge the universe available to Erica. Nothing more. But I am glad it's going well.

Erica

PS: Took the photo before I walked out. Thank you again Ann Taylor (and Milena the seamstress) for the miniskirt!!!

Friday March 7, 2008 - 06:36pm (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 10 Comments

Dinner with Kim

You know, I feel sort of silly saying the same thing so many times...but it bears repeating. By far the most special part of life as Erica is the joy of developing such great friendships. In the last two weeks I have become acquainted (in person) with three CDs - all fun and interesting folks, two of whom were in guy mode when we met. The others merit their own stories, and both will benefit from some extra context.

Monday night, I finally had the pleasure to meet Kim. That's Kim Huddle, to those of you who are active in the (it's-just-a-flesh-wound) Y360 community or the (hey! I'm still permitted to type it.) crossdressers.com forum. Kim was in the area on one of her many jaunts 'round the country, and dropped a "who's for going out in Newark?" line on her blog. I replied with the NYC standard: "why don't you come into Manhattan?" And before I know it, she agrees! To drive in, no less. Coming in where trans angels fear to tread...

We had arranged for her to drop by the apartment around 6:30. With timing a Swiss watch could only envy, she knocks at the door. I ask her to come in and make herself comfy while I finish getting ready (with timing that would make a Swiss watch upchuck in the gutters, I am running about 15 minutes late.) Anyway, we meet up soon enough.

I will be bluntly self-critical here: I still have a moment of trepidation at this point of "first meeting". I don't want to suggest there is a fem beauty contest that takes place at this stage, but at the same time it would be folly to pretend that I have never discovered that there is...ahem...a slight difference between a single selective photo and what a person looks like in real life. I'll talk about the occasional surprise at a later point........

No need to do so now. Kim is every bit as pretty in person as in her photos. I'll go further: you never even think of gender when interacting with her! Anyway, she very politely waited around making small talk while I finished getting ready. Given that she was a stranger in a strange city, invited into a strange apartment by another stranger, who's behind a bedroom door getting ready...well, you gotta give her credit for intrepredity!!! I finally aggregated my fecal matter (think about it) and we were able to properly meet. I'd say it took all of three or four seconds to completely break the ice. A quick beer and it was time to see the city!

Kim expressed a preference for Italian food, which I always love. So we hopped a cab over to Cacio e Pepe in the East Village, where I am apparently becoming a bit of a regular. It was a quiet night there, but (as usual) nobody raised half an eyebrow at us. The food, as usual, was quite good. And the conversation was terrific. From semiconductors to karaoke to the occasional TG topic to guitar to family to .... Well you get the idea. Anyway, as long as we were in the East Village I figured what the hell, let's drop by the Nowhere Bar. My motivation was quite straightforward: I wanted another drink. And as long as that was the agenda, I figured it would be fun for Kim to be able to associate a memory with a place that's frequently discussed in NY-centric trans threads.

We stayed there for quite a while, pushing the Absolut boundaries of "safe to drive" (for her) and "safe to stuff her drunk tranny ass into a cab to the train station" (for me). Then, too quickly, it was time to call it a night...we both acknowledged early on that the "out till all hours" approach simply doesn't work for us.

Lena, Rachel/Marla, Kew, Patsy, Holly/Toni, Rena/Sage, Dev, Kim, and so many others... All in all, a girl could do much much much worse! If you'll pardon me, perhaps for a moment I'll just bask in the simple joy of a community of generous, caring, lovely friends.

Wednesday February 6, 2008 - 08:44am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 13 Comments

 
Compromises

[Editrix: this is nearly verbatim from a comment I left in someone else's blog recently. However, I have been thinking about this subject recently...and rather than re-invent the wheel I figured I'd cross post it here.]

It's funny how the ordinary give-and-take of a relationship assumes such a different aspect when we talk about trans issues. I don't get to go out drinking and carousing with the guys three nights a week, skip all the chores, and golf my weekends away. So to some degree I am making compromises to my lifestyle in deference to my spouse. (Well, that and I hate golf.)

I think there are three reasons these compromises are more touchy in the trans context. First, those of us with more-or-less accepting spouses often feel that we used all our negotiating capital in getting our spouse to tolerate us. That's a false analogy, but it still leads to a "don't push your luck" kind of thinking. (On both sides of the relationship!) Second, in a healthy trans relationship we often need to be a good deal more explicit about the boundaries of behavior than we are in the other areas of life. I don't need to have a clear agreement with my wife that I don't get to just leave the house to goof off all day on a weekend - common sense and my survival instinct make that quite clear. But we often have to work through a catalogue of specific dos and don'ts when we are setting trans boundaries. And I think that process makes those compromises seem more burdensome.

Lastly, of course, our needs change over time and it can be quite difficult to explain that in a satisfactory manner to our spouses. After all, many of them are playing a desperate game of catchup in trying to come to grips with something we have been confronting all our lives. And then we pile on a fairly rapid emotional evolution which, all too often, makes the spouse think we weren't being totally candid when we first broached the subject of trans life.

I must add, by the way, that this is not really directed at my personal life. Helene and I have, I think, come to a fairly good mutual understanding (helped enormously by the simple fact that my own predilections are not evolving very quickly). But I have seen this theme in several places recently and thought I'd blog it...

Saturday February 2, 2008 - 01:14pm (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 3 Comments

Lesson learned...

  It's good to get a reminder every now and then that I have no business being too smug about self-confidence as a crossdresser...

For a little while last week, I was thinking here and there about how I would most accurately characterize myself given my current trans activities and inclinations. "Crossdresser" didn't seem like quite the right word for someone who gets out, on average, once a week for a completely normal night out presenting herself as a member of the other sex. "Transgendered" is too generic, and besides to anyone who is not conversant with trans parlance it's usually equated with transexual. I still am quite comfortable that I am not transexual. While I don't have any hangup about the word "transvestite" (indeed I frequently use it in reference to myself) it has the same lexical limitations as "crossdresser".

It went downhill from there. What if I call myself a "serious crossdresser?" No - that suggests that what others do is not serious. Besides, I really try not to take myself too seriously en femme. My life is best when I can appreciate the inherent absurdity in what I do (and let's face it, it's pretty damned absurd) and yet not feel ashamed or guilty. "Non-transitioning transgendered?" Ugh. "T-girl?" Only among friends...and it's both too cutesy and non-descriptive. "Gurl", "grrrl" or any of the other misspelled variants? Puh-leeeze.

I'm not joking, I was about to open the dial-in hotlines to see if any members of the studio audience had ideas. [Editrix: first prize gets an autographed cheesecake pinup shot of Erica!!! That will teach them...] Then, in the shower Thursday morning, inspiration hit me.

I was asking the wrong question for the wrong reason. Simply put, I was trying to emotionally segregate myself from what we all-too-commonly-and-wholly-unfairly stereotype as lower orders of crossdressers: the guy in stockings or panties, the guy-in-a-dress, the deeply closeted/deeply ashamed soul, the anonymous creep who emails explicit photos for no reason, the person who reads my blog and then IMs me with a proposition that would get him slapped if spoken to any right-minded woman. [Editrix: you're probably guessing, based on this blog and the last one, that it was a bad week for indecent proposals in Erica-land. You would be correct.]

Shame on me, because I know better than that. I of all people should be able to take a sentence or two in my obsessive self-narrative to explain to others, as I have tried to express here so many times:

- I am a crossdresser or transvestite, depending on your preferred word choice.

- Crossdressing describes a huge array of motivations and behaviors, none of which is intrinsically evil and none of which is intrinsically more valid than another.

- For me, as for many people, crossdressing has been an evolutionary path from a deeply painful (and purely erotic) urge to a relatively serene and even fulfilling state.

- The ability to anonymously posit oneself as a member of the internet community enables some crossdressers to intrude on our lives with behavior that is icky or worse - but that ickiness is not grounded in the fact of crossdressing.

So I am going to make myself sit in the corner and repeat "I will not use language to self-segregate" 50 times. Hopefully that's sufficient penance.

Saturday January 26, 2008 - 04:59pm (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments
 

An open letter

To: A sizable portion of the crossdressing community (you know who you are)

Dear all,

I'll keep this short and simple. It is not acceptable for your first communication with another person to consist of a photo focusing on your genitalia partly clad by women's undies. Period.

This includes unsolicited e-mails, profile pictures (unless your profile is marked as "adults only" content) and any other means by which you impose this sort of graphic image on a person who has not explicitly or implicitly agreed to view it.

I'm not a prude, of course: between consenting adults feel free to expose yourself to your heart's content.

This has nothing to do with transgender expression, and everything to do with subjecting an unknowing and often unwilling recipient to your exhibitionism. It's time for you to stop, and it's time for the rest of the trans community to cease tolerating this behavior.

Sincerely,
Erica Foley

Wednesday January 23, 2008 - 08:50am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 7 Comments
 

A small thought.

I spent little time this weekend in Erica mode, as I was watching the kids while Helene got away for a well-deserved break in Texas. (I had a great time, though...It's just a blast being able to get some concentrated time in with the little ones.)

I did have a chance to indulge a bit in the thought experiment that most (non-transexual) transgendered people ponder: if you could wave a magic wand and make every fem urge and desire go away instantly, would you? Based on a highly unscientific sampling, I'd guess that a pretty high proportion of crossdressers would cheerfully "take the blue pill" if they could un-do their trans side.

On several occasions in the past I have really tried to critically examine my response to this admittedly kinda childish, purely hypothetical question. Ordinarily, I have given myself a cop-out answer, along the lines that I would not necessarily want to sever the parts of my personality that might be associated with my fem side. I'd hate to find out (I'd tell myself) that my focus on family, my relatively collaborative work spirit, etc. was part of my trans self and therefore purged along with the desire to crossdress. Fair enough, I guess.

But after some thought this weekend, I think I can just simply say it: I would not take the blue pill. I am just not interested in excising my fem side from my life - irrespective of how neatly it could be done. On balance, I enjoy my fem self, the chance to express myself as a woman. I really DO enjoy making myself as pretty as I can given the limitations of my face and form. And, most importantly, the friendships that I have developed are now irreplaceable and precious parts of my life.

Nothing doing. I am Erica and Erica is me. And we are very happy together in the same body.

Tuesday January 22, 2008 - 09:01pm (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 6 Comments

What's in a face?

If you're one of the hundreds of women at whose face I have stared in the last few weeks, apologies. I have tried to be as discreet as I can - but every now and then my gaze lingers an instant too long.

I had the best of intentions. I have been trying to figure out what exactly we perceive that enables us to so readily distinguish a genetic woman from a genetic man. Yes, like most cds I can quickly rattle off the differences: pronouced brow ridge, more prominent nose, space between nose and upper lip, naso-labial fold (look it up), jawline, cheekbones, hair line, Adam's apple, rougher skin (from shaving), beard shadow, etc. That's not what I am getting at. When I see a person I instantly perceive his/her gender...probably to a 99+% accuracy. So do you. So, for that matter, does my seven year old daughter. And she is not thinking "hmm...pronounced naso-labial fold and relatively heavy brow line. Must be male."

So what, then, is my/your/her brain doing? Besides innate curiosity, I had a practical reason for knowing. If I could identify, say, four traits that instantly anchored my perception of gender, then I would have a much clearer idea as to where I should focus my attention in transforming my appearance from guy to Erica.

So I looked, and looked, and looked. Each time I'd try to immediately ask myself "what was the trait that did it?" Admittedly, it's hardly a scientific approach. And the outcome? I still have no clue as to how we do it. Not one bit.

Let's cut back on the drama a bit. I strongly suspected this might be the result. After all, many women have faces with one or more traits that one would ordinarily consider "male". There are plenty of women with deep naso-labial lines, protruding jaws, prominent noses, rough skin. If we anchored our gender detection in only a couple traits, it would stand to reason that the frequency of erroneous identification would be much higher than it actually is. (Yes, I know that I might be mis-identifying some. But I'd still stand behind my guess that most people are correct 99+% of the time.)

Having drawn a blank in my self-testing, I set out to do some exhaustive internet research. [Editrix: she did a google search on the train ride home one day.] Web hits on facial recognition tend to relate to software applications as opposed to how it's done by us humans. Most algorithms for gender recognition based on a scan of a face involves a comparison of what are known as "eigen-faces" - statistically significant points of distinction between the average male face and the average female face. Eigen-faces might include, for example, depth of eye sockets, width of brow, distance from tip of nose to upper lip and so on. The program calculate the averages, measures the specific subject against the averages, check the standard deviations from stereotypical male and stereotypical female, and draws a conclusion.

I suppose it's possible this is what we do as well, but I kind of doubt it. Among other things I have never been able to calculate the standard deviation of anything. (Except that I am one standard deviant crossdresser yukyukyuk.)

Just another failed experiment in trans-land. Though I adore looking at women's faces, so it's not like my efforts were totally unrewarded...

Erica

PS: Now would be a great time for someone to post a comment that refers me to a research paper that summarily answers this question! Extra credit if it's something that should have turned up on my quick google search :)

Wednesday January 9, 2008 - 07:18pm (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 3 Comments
 

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a great holiday season. Best wishes for a joyful 2008.

Things are great here, if a little thin on fem time. It's really funny, because it has only been about 2-1/2 weeks since I last got out. In the grand scheme of things, and certainly in the not-so-grand scheme of my life, that's no time at all! And yet, it has definitely been a noticeable absence. Which really probably just means that I am getting terribly spoiled...

Interesting, though, to compare this December with a year ago. In retrospect, it's quite clear that I was still tentative about getting out in public. [Editrix: yes, she knows she'll make the same sort of self-patronizing observations a year from now.] I didn't yet have my apartment in the Village, I had no winter clothes, and really at that point no excuse was too trivial to keep me from enjoying a night en femme. Even at home, though Helene and I had long since come to arrangements to make that work.

Digression, and I think the digression is more interesting than whatever point I was trying to make anyway: it's amazing how little interest I have in just getting myself en femme at home these days. I'd like to thing it has nothing to do with the fact that there's no taboo there anymore, but in a way that would be disingenuous of me. (Hey - Erica puts the "ingenue" in "disingenuous" yukyukyukyukOW! [Editrix smacks author on forehead with Kenny G boxed set]) There's no real thrill to dressing at home anymore - that's for sure. Which probably really means that there's not much to dressing for its own sake. And I've covered that turf at least a dozen times in this blog. So I was mistaken and this digression was not interesting.

But it does lead to another digression: tonight I actually did spend some fem time at home. Well, not exactly. Helene decided to take an early bath after the kids went to bed, and I took an hour or so to try on a bunch of the stuff I have recently bought to see what goes with what, what fits, what needs alterations, what will look icky no matter that I do, and so on. Now if you had told me a couple years ago that I could spend a quiet evening, with no concerns about interruptions, trying on a stack of new clothes... well I would have called that trans-paradise. Not so much anymore. In fact, it's a sobering process because I try to approach "fitting sessions" with absolutely zero pink fog. The idea is really to figure out what outfits work together, whether I need to drop a couple pounds to wear something, if a special foundation item or different set of pads is appropriate - and then to remember the whole shebang. I'm usually happy with the outcome: a few practical, reasonably comfortable, hopefully flattering new additions to the wardrobe. But I have to look at an awful lot of ugly Erica to get there.

It pays off though. I picked up a couple fabulous long-ish tops at Lord and Taylor a few days ago. Calvin Klein on MASSIVE SALE. They're both going to work terrific with leggings - the short one with boots! I think they'll get their first workout soon. Real soon. Pics to come.

OK - I just did a quick re-read and this is one of the most disorganized blogs I have ever written. OFF TO A GREAT START IN '08! Eh bien... look forward to seeing all of you soon.

'til then! :)

Tuesday January 1, 2008 - 10:47pm (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 2 Comments